He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
