he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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