I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Boobs are out for the taking
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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