the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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