life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
