ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
