just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
