We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
