we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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