Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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