Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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