i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
