I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
