so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
