i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am one with the molecules
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
