yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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