We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
