Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
