What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
