If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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