kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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