dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
