He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
