So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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