Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
