You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
