u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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