Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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