Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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