A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You pole danced in your parka.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
