Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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