you guys were way drunker than both of me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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