I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
