He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
