Me. At least after what I've been through.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
