I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
