3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
