and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
