Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
