I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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