Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
