anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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