those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
