I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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