is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
