I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
