So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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