Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize