forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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