We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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