If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
