Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
