Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
