yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it because I queefed?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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