I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
