I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize