The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
