we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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