do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
