I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
