There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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