I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
