Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
