I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
