haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize