Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just found a bag of teeth...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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