your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
