i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
