just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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