Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize