your room smells of hookers.
And success
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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