guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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