Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
