wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
should my penis look like a turkey
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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