omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
