I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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