the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
