I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
