Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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