theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have aggressive nipples.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
