really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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