I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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