i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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